Guest Post: Kat Kennedy on Her Top Eight Expectations for BEA Next Year

Posted August 21, 2013 by Kara in Guest Post / 19 Comments

Today on Great Imaginations, Lyn and I are lucky enough to have one of our most brilliant friends, blogging superstar, Kat Kennedy! I don’t know about you guys, but when I think about book blogs, Cuddlebuggery is one of the first that always pops into my head. What they do over there is make you laugh, and today is  no different. 

So I present to you…
Kat Kennedy’s Top Eight Expectations for BEA Next Year
So here I am, at Kara and Lyn’s place.  Let me tell you, it is NICE.  I don’t usually get let out much.  Steph might loosen the shackles once or twice a day so I can creep closer to the sliver of sunlight that shines into my cell.  But, I show up here and they give me sandwiches!  Can I just say, so much better than the bucket of fish heads Steph gives me. 
So, I’m heading to BEA next year for the first time.  I’m excited.  I wouldn’t exactly say I’m like expecting a parade in my honour, or to ride a magical unicorn through a rainbow made of gummi bears.  I mean, it would be nice, okay?  Like, really nice.  I won’t say no if someone manages that.  But the expectations I do have, I hold fondly to my heart.  And here they are, in case, ya know, someone wants to make them happen.

1. I want to meet all of you.  ALL OF YOU!
My greatest fear about BEA is that I’m going to show up, walk into the club and be like, “What up?  I got a big cock!”
Caption: Never go anywhere without it.

And then I’ll be sitting in a corner by myself with no one to talk to. The thing I’m most excited about at BEA is meeting all these wonderful bloggers in person, especially since I’ve been visiting your blogs and rubbing myself against them to leave my scent so you’ll know I’ve been there. All that jazz. And most of all, I must meet Steph! Even if that means she immediately decides she never wants to speak or hear from me again! I MUST MEET HER! 
I think if I don’t meet every blogger there at least once, then I will officially cry. 

2. I have to hang out with my partner in crime, V Rossi.
There’s a lot of authors I love. Kristoff, Kaufman, Victoria Scott, Bardugo, your father, etc. There’s one author that I must meet and spend at least a little time fangirl screaming. That author is the V-Spot, Veronica Rossi. I’ve already planned our romantic boat ride down the canal and paid the evil villains that will try to attack us so that V and I can practise firing heroically while dodging bullets. This is the important stuff, people. It must happen. 

3. Making a Complete Bum out of Myself 

Okay, I know this one sounds weird. I’ve long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I’m an awkward penguin. I already know that in a three day span, I will more than assuredly say all the wrong things, insult almost everyone, blab out inappropriate things, drop food on myself, trip and all around assing up my already tenuously bad reputation.

But, whilst I’m not looking forward to the inevitable embarrassment, it does tend to make for funny, memorable stories later. Those are sometimes the best memories. Like that time I spilled food on Sarah at the Harlequin Summit and stained her dress. Or how I got drunk and couldn’t exactly walk straight and then we rescued a possum. Because that’s how a night out with me works.

4. Eating all the Food at Any Publisher Party People are Dumb Enough to Invite Me to

I should also mention that this pertains to any free alcohol. Open bar is like a gift from the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Going to the parties themselves will be totally awesome, don’t get me wrong. Can’t wait to meet the fabulous publishers I’ve come to know and love, learn about new books coming out blah, de blah, blah but the food! I love food, have I mentioned that? GIVE IT TO ME!

5. Sneaking into Any Publisher Party People are Dumb Enough Not to Invite Me to

Life is adventure right? If one door closes, go through a window. So if you’re a publisher and you don’t want me at your party, do try to lock the windows okay? Cause I will sneak in. For real.


6. Practising My American Accent

My first plan is to go in stealth mode through BEA and see how well I can pass as an American. I’ve been practising trying to pass as an American for a while. Steph says it’s appalling, but what does she know? So if someone comes up to you talking funny and looking drunk, be suspicious. 

7. Trying to seduce Kara and Lyn 

Kara and Lyn, who have kindly let me onto their blog, are my illicit lovers. Well, at least Kara is. Lyn friendzoned me. Meanie. But I truly look forward to smooshing with them in big goopy hugs. Because, you know, there’s your bookish friends and then there’s your bookish crushes. Kara and Lyn are my bookish crushes, yo!

8. Thieving All The Books

Don’t be so surprised! We all knew this was coming. Books! Books! ALL THE BOOKS!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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19 responses to “Guest Post: Kat Kennedy on Her Top Eight Expectations for BEA Next Year

  1. Haha this is hilarious! I’m hoping to go to BEA next year and I have to meet all of you guys! I hope I don’t walk in while you’re in any compromising positions with Veronica or Kara though 😉 (Lyn is totally cold for friend zoning you) Also, my definition of an American accent: get too lazy to properly enunciate so you skip over some of the vowels and consonants.

    Fantastic post I do hope I can meet you at BEA if I can make it there 🙂 <33

  2. Lol. I had a UK friend who thought he could do an American accent. He always sounded very nasal-y though, and like the only thing he affect was a terrible imitation of the stereotypical Southern accent. Is yours anything like that ;)?

    I am also worried about #1 since I’m actually considering going to BEA this year, and it too would be my first time there.

    Also, yes to #3. I am an awkward penguin, but some of my best memories come from the most embarrassing of moments.

  3. OMG! It really is too bad that BEA seems to be an east coast thing. I would ditch my husband and kidlets in a second to meet you in person, Kat Kennedy, if it were on the west coast. 🙂

  4. Kat, you need to stop by and come pick me up on your way to BEA!!! It is my life goal to sneak into Publisher’s parties and eat their food whilst making a fool of myself and taking *ALL* the books! ♥

  5. Oh man, if I make it to BEA next year, I know the drunkest person there is going to be Kennedy. Drunk and laughing way too loudly at the awestruck bloggers who queue up to meet her.

  6. 1. There is no way that you will be sitting in the corner with no one to talk to. First of all, you would at least be talking to your big cock, because, hey, you’re drunk and you don’t know WHAT’S going on. I’m glad you won’t unofficially cry. The paperwork that causes!

    2. Hopefully V. Rossi is there. I’m sure she will be for you.

    3. A POSSUM?

    4. You will have to combat me for that food, missy. However, you will win because you are Australian and thus monstrously intense.

    5. I will follow you in.

    6. TEEHEE.

    7. Oh man, I will have a front row seat for all of this.

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